My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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