her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
