he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
