Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
