This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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