I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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