It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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