I haven't been this sober since birth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize