I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
