.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
