Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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