My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
