You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
