come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
