Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
