Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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