theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pooping to opera.
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