I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize