I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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