it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
