Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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