I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
