Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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