So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
