last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
