I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
