I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
