sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
