my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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