I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
