so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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