Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
