If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
