Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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