i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
