I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
