At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
