My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Quick, to the slutcave!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
