im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
