is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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