his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize