i just sent this text using only my big toe
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
