before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
