Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
