Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
