I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
