It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
