alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
