Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
