I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
