need another drink. this is the easiest way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
