I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
