Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
