I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
