My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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