And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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