Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
