Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
