He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
