Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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