A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
