He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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