I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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