I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize