Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
