Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
