How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
