I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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