My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
