lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
