Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize