That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
