She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
