i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
